Dream Girl

Television of ABCs on HD Signaling

Y??? to the O (Ohhhh)


C(see?)O-K---E
to the P-O-(down to the)T to the (scribble schkkettle scribble)
H-E-A-D on H-D
Do U C TV
in this spelling signaling, where it's heading
Visions of being knocked out in the Tele
I think I'm going to need someone to X-RAY me
and where does this all lead ....from now
Some cloud, some doubt, but somehow
Some route , the nile draining
in it's way jumping in, will you be drowning or falling,
failing? crawlng?
Fronting? Following? Fizzling? Frolicking?
Wrapped up in a cereal (serial?) box like you're a frosted flake
Frail from some fray? Afraid?
I waved.
Did I need this remote control to vibrate
for you to notice me?
I'm in the LS,Driving,
Writing, rhyming, Light and Smoke Parallel Lining, Rewinding,
Collaboration in combining an alignment
'bout everything from nothing right now in a freestyle,
and it's so hot these lights just fused out,
one blinked at me again,
I'm wondering where does it all end?
Oh I just winked, you blinked out on me for a second there, are we here? clear? do you think your fear's of the fairest complexion?
Yeah, fuck it, what ever,
double U /(slash) E
Duality, and acid rain?
Through the plain (playing) fields
Yielded to a reel in a sum of a familiar feeling I've got,
That I forgot, when I dropped it, but fuck it, I think I'm picking up on something here....
Ahh, and if for that second I could've manifested that I'd once thought it
in a dream
I had where I flat-lined in bed, I might've woke up from the coma that's combed my reality. Brushing smeared paint in front of my eyelids.
A black cape with a hood echoing as it's walking in the empty hallway,
and I can hear the steps perfectly inevitably drawing
close up on me with every
passing minute, and in a long enough timeline,
I'm going to be delighted to see
who's under's face, when I sign on out that date
on the paper, write my name in signature with style and half hoping the stroke of my pen tears the sheet,
when they tell me
to write on the dotted line, check off,
and check it out before I check out of there, wherever whoever. blah blah, Are you clever enough for nothing in particular?
yadda yadda scribble scribble (&()(*^&*%^*%&*&*(^*&^
Pssssst.
BzzzZzzZzZZZZZz(yawn)... sign right next to the X where you left it between the Y's axis
I'm epxanding upon soldier code cracking, just chilling, relaxing, and I'm thinking perfect practice'll make something happen, cause if I could graph out on a map down to precise mathematics, I'm betting you ain't thinkin' you can handle the way these drawing angles are making a tangling of things,
Your indecisiveness'll be split in dimensions of twofold personalities with exaggerrated dramatics that seem to run in your blood
and I'm hexing to break open the flood gates, and waiting for these tidal waves to swallow cities whole like the end of a nation in war of the worlds.

The laws of golf

LAW 1: No matter how bad your last shot was, the worst is yet to come. This law does not expire on the 18th hole, since it has the supernatural tendency to extend over the course of a tournament, a summer and, eventually, a lifetime.

LAW 2: Your best round of golf will be followed almost immediately by your worst round ever. The probability of the latter increases with the number of people you tell about the former.

LAW 3: Brand new golf balls are water-magnetic. Though this cannot be proven in the lab, it is a known fact that the more expensive the golf ball, the greater its attraction to water.

LAW 4: Golf balls never bounce off of trees back into play. If one does, the tree is breaking a law of the universe and should be cut down.

LAW 5: No matter what causes a golfer to muff a shot, all his playing partners must solemnly chant "You looked up," or invoke the wrath of the universe.

LAW 6: The higher a golfer's handicap, the more qualified he deems himself as an instructor.

LAW 7: Every par-three hole in the world has a secret desire to humiliate golfers. The shorter the hole, the greater its desire.

LAW 8: Topping a 3-iron is the most painful torture known to man.

LAW 9: Palm trees eat golf balls.

LAW 10: Sand is alive. If it isn't, how do you explain the way it works against you?

LAW 11: Golf carts always run out of juice at the farthest point from the clubhouse.

LAW 12: A golfer hitting into your group will always be bigger than anyone in your group. Likewise, a group you accidentally hit into will consist of a football player, a professional wrestler, a convicted murderer and an IRS agent -- or some similar combination.

LAW 13: All 3-woods are demon-possessed.

LAW 14: Golf balls from the same "sleeve" tend to follow one another, particularly out of bounds or into the water (See Law three).

LAW 15: A severe slice is a thing of awesome power and beauty.

LAW 16: "Nice lag" can usually be translated to "lousy putt." Similarly, "tough break" can usually be translated "way to miss an easy one, sucker."

LAW 17: The person you would most hate to lose to will always be the one who beats you.

LAW 18: The last three holes of a round will automatically adjust your score to what it really should be.

LAW 19: Golf should be given up at least twice per month.

LAW 20: All vows taken on a golf course shall be valid only until the sunset.

Spider Tigger

Love, Wealth And Success

A woman came out of her house and saw 3 old men with long white beards sitting in her front yard. She did not recognize them. She said "I don't think I know you, but you must be hungry. Please come in and have something to eat."

"Is the man of the house home?", they asked.

"No", she replied. "He's out."

"Then we cannot come in", they replied.

In the evening when her husband came home, she told him what had happened.

"Go tell them I am home and invite them in!"

The woman went out and invited the men in"

"We do not go into a House together," they replied.

"Why is that?" she asked.

One of the old men explained: "His name is Wealth," he said pointing to one of his friends, and said pointing to another one, "He is Success, and I am Love." Then he added, "Now go in and discuss with your husband which one of us you want in your home."

The woman went in and told her husband what was said. Her husband was overjoyed. "How nice!!" he said. "Since that is the case, let us invite Wealth. Let him come and fill our home with wealth!"


His wife disagreed. "My dear, why don't we invite Success?"


Their daughter-in-law was listening from the other corner of the house. She jumped in with her own suggestion: "Would it not be better to invite Love? Our home will then be filled with love!"

"Let us heed our daughter-in-law's advice," said the husband to his wife.

"Go out and invite Love to be our guest."

The woman went out and asked the 3 old men, "Which one of you is Love? Please come in and be our guest."

Love got up and started walking toward the house. The other 2 also got up and followed him. Surprised, the lady asked Wealth and Success: "I only invited Love, Why are you coming in?"

The old men replied together: "If you had invited Wealth or Success, the other two of us would've stayed out, but since you invited Love, wherever He goes, we go with him. Wherever there is Love, there is also Wealth and Success!!!!!!"

Water To Go!

Pick the right hydration gear and keep the agua flowing wherever you roam.

Things have come a long-way since the good ol' steel Boy Scout canteen. Today we have the luxury of hauling our water in a wide variety of high-performance vessels. Whether you're hiking in the backcountry or hucking your bike off a cliff, there's a bottle or hydration pack that makes it easier than ever to stay hydrated.

"Your body is kind of like a motor, and it needs lubricant. You can't run a motor without any oil in it," professional mountain biker Kirt Voreis says. "Same with water and your body. Stay hydrated and your muscles will work better and you can go a lot farther at a faster pace."

Voreis knows a lot about speed and the importance of regular hydration on performance. That's why we asked him to give us some buying tips. So read up, fill up and stay hydrated.

THE LOWDOWN

THE RIGHT TOOL FOR THE JOB. Voreis says the first thing to think about is what activity you'll be doing most. For hiking or camping or hanging at the skatepark, a water bottle or canteen might be perfect. Just carry it in your band or toss it in your daypack. If you're doing something like cycling, snowboarding or kayaking in which you need your hands free, consider a hydration pack.

BOTTLES AND CANTEENS. "If you're hiking or going to stay in one area, the bottle is great," Voreis says. This is the cheapest option, too. A couple of buying considerations:

Weight: If you're backpacking, get something lightweight. There are even special collapsible bags that weigh next to nothing.

Taste: Sometimes cheap water bottles and canteens can give your water a strange plastic taste or hold the flavor of something you had in the bottle weeks earlier. Usually those made of very hard polycarbonate plastic are best. Look for the words "taste-free" on the label or ask a shopkeeper in an outfitter store for help.

Seals: Make sure the top screws or pops on tightly.

HYDRATION PACKS. Like a camel, these packs are equipped with a special bladder that lets you carry all your water on your body; you just drink it through a special straw. "It's secure on your back, and you don't have to take your hands off the handlebars to take a drink," Voreis says. Plan to spend $30 to $80 for one of these. When picking a pack, first think of how much water you'll want to carry and how long you'll be gone Some hold as little as 30 ounces; the largest can carry up to 100 ounces or more. Most hydration packs have pockets and room for other stuff, and some are as large as a big daypack. "Don't buy a big giant pack if you're just going to be doing jumps all day," Voreis says. "And if you're not going to do big epic rides, bring something small that'll hold just like a cell phone and a bar."

Finally, you want it to fit snug and not slung low on your lower back, otherwise it'll cause painful pressure and bounce around like crazy while you're moving.

IS A BLADDER BEST? Most manufacturers offer hydration bladders separately rather than built into a special pack. These run as low as $6 and are cool and versatile because you can use them in your backpack and move it to your daypack for shorter trips.

CLEAN IS KEY. This is probably the last thing you want to hear about (especially after having to dean your room, the dishes and Dad's car), but if you don't keep your bottle or hydration bladder clean you'll risk getting sick. "If you leave water in something for a while, it gets stale and you can also get bad bacteria in it," Voreis warns, if you're lazy, look for something dishwasher-safe. (It should say so on the label.) Bladder systems are notoriously tough to clean. The easiest are ones that have openings large enough for you to stick your hand inside. Some have detachable hoses, but to really get one clean, you may need to buy a special brush, which will cost you an extra $10 or so.

WHAT'S HOT

Our very own Gear Guy brings you some can't-miss picks.

CANTEENS

BSA Canteen ($18) Your dad probably carried one of these when he was a Scout. This one is a taste-free plastic rig with an 80-ounce capacity. (www.boyslife.org/links/scoutstuffor 1-800-323-0736)

Ultimate Direction Lexan Canteen ($7) We love this because it has the old-school canteen shape but is made of a high-tech polycarbonate plastic that's super durable and dishwasher-safe. Weighs less than 5 ounces and carries 28 ounces of water. Also taste-free, (www.ultimatedirection.com or 1-800-426-7229)

WATER BOTTLES

Nalgene water bottle with BSA logo ($10) It's tough to beat the classic Nalgene bottle. This 3-ounce polycarbonate wide-mouth model holds 32 ounces, has a grab-loop top and is tough as nails. Taste-free, too. (www.boyslife.org/links/scoutstuffor 1-800-323-0736)

Mountainsmith Buzz ($40) Great for day hikes, the Buzz can carry two 22-ounce water bottles (included in price) low and secure on your waist. It weighs just 7 ounces and has three zippered pockets for your goods, (www.mountainsmith.com or 1-800-551-5889)

SLIP-IN BLADDERS

Platypus collapsible water bottle ($9) and large hydration bag ($12) At less than 30 grams these collapsible, taste-free water bags are tough but way lighter than hard bottles. Stick one in your pack, your jacket or wherever. Available in two sizes: one liter (34 ounces) and two liters (80 ounces). (www.boyslife.org/links/scoutstuffor 1-800-323-0736)

Gerber Liquifusion Semi-Rigid Reservoir ($27 to $29) This rig might be the easiest-to-clean bladder on the market because it's totally dishwasher-safe. It's semi-rigid, too, which makes it easier to fill and prevents the bag from slouching and sloshing inside your pack. Taste-free in two sizes: 70 ounces and 100 ounces. (www.knifecountryusa.com)

HYDRATION PACKS

Camelbak Cloudewalker ($60) The Cloudwalker insulated hydration pack is one of the best-selling on the market because it holds just enough water (70 ounces) and up to 1,282 cubic inches of gear, making it a great substitute for your old daypack. (www.camelbak.com or 1-800-767-8725)

Helly Hansen Hydrator Pack ($50) The Hydrator is a compact pack that's great for intense workouts. It will hold 72 ounces of water, and the back panel is lined with mesh and Helly Hansen's LIFA fabric to wick the sweat off your back. (www.hellyhansen.com or [425] 378-8700)

OTHER STUFF

SmarTube ($16) This creative screw-on drinking tube turns most any water bottle or canteen into a hydration bladder. (www.bluedesert.co.il)

Guyot Firefly ($22) Check out this ingenious replacement lid with LED lights of various settings that turn your wide-mouth Nalgene bottle into a cool camp lantern. (www.guyotdesigns.com)

Do Drink the Water…

…but make sure you treat it first. Learn the best way to purify water in the field at www.boyslife.org/links/purifywater.

THIS GUY'S GEAR

Name: Kirt Voreis

Job: Professional Mountain Biker

Age: 32

Home: Bend, Ore.

Kirt Voreis probably would have been a pro skateboarder, but a bad wipeout at age 18 caused him to switch gears and start mountain biking. At first Voreis rode his bike mostly as transportation while he hunted and collected snakes. Then around 19 he tried his hand at racing. He started winning, and the rest is history. Since then, Voreis has excelled at all styles of riding, from cross-country racing to downhill to freestyle and jumping. Though he's still a top finisher in most every event he enters, these days Voreis is just as stoked to share his love of cycling with fans on his All Ride Tour, which is hitting 20 cities this summer. For more info, check out www.KirtVoreis.com.

WHEN KIRT'S IN THE SADDLE, HERE'S THE STUFF HE COUNTS ON:

Camelbak HydroBak and M.U.L.E. ($30 and $85; www.camelbak.com or 1-800-767-8725) "If I'm filming freeride or big drops, I usually run a small pack like the HydroBak. It's svelte and gives you some protection for your spine it you flip and fall on your back. For longer cross-country rides, I use the M.U.L.E. It carries more water, and I can put Clif bars and tools in there in case anything happens on the trail."

Bell Faction ($35; www.bellbikehelmets.com or 1-800-456-2355) "This half-shell is a pretty versatile helmet. You can wear it on cross-country rides, use it for downhill and skatepark stuff. It's just sierple and durable and has protection pretty much all around your head."

Santa Cruz Nomad ($5,700: www.santacruzmtb.com or [831] 459-7560) "My Nomad is pretty moth an all-around bike. I can jump it. cross country ride it or bomb down gnarly chutes and rocky sections."

Fox Racing Launch Knee/Shin Pad ($70: www.foxracing.com or 1-888-369-7223) "Knee protection like these pads is key because when you fall, the first thing you go to is your knees. You can't really feel these pads because they're really lightweight."

By Mark Anders

Dad's Tricks for 4 Pix

TRASH BANDITS

To get this shot, Michael cut a hole in the bottom of a trash can. Then he poked the camera lens through it and left for the night. When the raccoons came by, they walked through a beam of light that Michael had also set up. That triggered the camera and special flashing lights — and caught the bandits in the act!

TURTLE TIME

Here's a trick anyone could try. Michael put some rocks and plants into an aquarium to make it look like a pond. Then he caught a pond turtle and added it to the aquarium. When the turtle swam into just the right position, presto — a really "wild" photo!

KER-PLOP!

You've probably thrown a rock into water before, right? But how many people have turned a splash into art? Michael has. He set his camera next to a large aquarium full of water. Then he started throwing rocks into it. Plop, plunk, plop, the rocks went — until Michael got the "picture-perfect" shot.

BEE-UTIFUL!

Michael set up his camera gear near a flower, waiting for a bumble bee to come by. But how could he be sure the bee would visit the right flower? He covered most of the other flowers with a blanket! When this bee flew through a beam of light, it triggered the camera to go off with a rapid flash. And that "froze" the bee in mid-air.

Ranger Rick, Jun2007